Distracto » humor

I Was a Child Star

frank — Tue, 20 May 2008 03:27:36 +0000

Brian finally got around to posting his old film projects on YouTube. This is the both beginning and end of my glamorous (if not exactly lucrative) acting career:

You Don’t Know What It’s Like to be Me

frank — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:38:52 +0000

So you want to know what it’s like to be Distracto?

As I was preparing for work this morning, I entered the bathroom to get my deodorant. As I started to reach into the medicine cabinet, a thought struck me. I don’t remember what it was.

…

Halfway through flossing my teeth, I said to myself, “Hey. I don’t floss my teeth in the morning!” I finished flossing, brushed my teeth for good measure, then put some deodorant on. I had to repeat, “Get deodorant. Get deodorant,” to myself until I finished in order to avoid the very real danger of stuffing Q-tips into my ears, forgetting about them, and coming to work looking like an antenna. A smelly antenna that doesn’t wear deodorant.

How to be a real San Francisco hipster

frank — Sun, 15 May 2005 21:49:18 +0000

Step 1. Go to the Oxygen Bar for dinner.

Step 2: Eat lots of sushi.

Step 3: Drink sake. Cold. Apparently hot sake is the Japanese equivalent of putting an ice cube in your wine.

Step 4: Pay actual money for, well, air.

Step 5: Imagine that looking like a 75-year-old life-long smoker is somehow cool.

Step 6: In order to not look like a fool for doing step 4, pretend that the oxygen made you either energized, calm, enlightened, or high.

Man, am I cool or what?

Google content blocker

frank — Thu, 12 May 2005 16:38:47 +0000

Sick of reading all that annoying content on the web? Doesn’t it always get in the way of good, relevant ads? Then you need the Google Content Blocker.

What types of ads will I see?

Once the content is removed from a Web site, you will see all of the original ads, unencumbered by annoying content. The ads fall into two categories:

Google AdSense Ads
Google AdSense Ads are the best ads, because we make money every time someone clicks. Learn more about Adsense.

Other Ads
Google Content Blocker does not block other ads. This is consistent with the “we are not evil” spirit that our PR department always talks about*.

An excellent parody site.

How to get space on a crowded train

frank — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 16:13:55 +0000

You know that guy on BART with the pony tail who hasn’t shaved in about a month? He sits on the edge of his seat and stares down everybody who gets on the train, occasionally breaking down in silent laughter — you know, him? Well, he was on my train this morning, and I finally realized something about him.

He’s not crazy. He’s a genius. On a crowded commute, nobody once dared sit next to him. And this was one of the good sideways seats, where you don’t have to wait for someone to let you out.

So from now on, I’m working on developing my crazy. Cue bug eyes and random laughter.

What is it with blogs and cats?

frank — Tue, 05 Apr 2005 00:42:08 +0000

A post by lilliebet got me thinking about something I’ve often considered before… Why do so many bloggers feel compelled to post pictures of their cats? It doesn’t really annoy me as much as baffle me. Are all these people graduates of the Wil Wheaton school of blogging?

Anyway, I was curious as to how many of these there actually were, and I smelled another Google query coming on. The last one was pretty well-received, so maybe you’ll like this too:

Google for people who blog pictures of their cats

Google for lame bloggers

frank — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 17:17:33 +0000

I was talking to my friend/boss Gever this morning about how often small blogs go through “dry spells” where the only post is an apology for not posting more often. He mentioned that it would be funny to find the google query that would find all of them, and I thought that would make a great post. So here you go: Google for lame bloggers. Or try Technorati to see who hasn’t posted most recently.

I somehow manage to avoid showing up on the list. I’ll chalk it up to my refreshingly original writing style when posting my own lamer apology.

Favorite use of flickr

frank — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 19:17:00 +0000

I’ve been a little light with the posting lately (well, more than usual), but I’ve been working on a cool web-based project that will soon be ready for a public pre-alpha release. More details on that later.

For now, my new favorite use of Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/mullet